Harry Potter's Magical Mistake
by DrToilette
Summary: Harry makes a terrible mistake, which leads to an amusing body swap experience...
1. Introduction and Prologue

Harry Potter's Magical Mistake

_This is based upon 'Scrubs'(halfway through Season 6) created by Bill Lawrence and 'Harry Potter' (After the Deathly Hallows) by JK Rowling, this is all a fictitious account of how things MAY have gone had the two ever been mixed._

_From Dr. Toilette and BonesBird._

_Improper media/literature use department_

**Prologue **

Harry Potter was enjoying his first week in his last year at Hogwarts. His NEWTs (Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests) were coming up and his best friend, Hermione Granger, was all ready drawing up revision timetables for the three of them... He could almost hear her voice inside his head, "I know it's the first week of the term but we still need to prepare we've been out of school for a year…"

"Will you shut it Hermione." He was thinking of his other best friend Ron's retort that still kept him smiling, even though he was lying on his bed with his eyes tightly shut. He had wanted to try out a spell that he had read in a book called "Potentially Disastrous Spells". He had gotten it from George for his birthday. He reminded himself that he needed to thank him for it at some point, he felt like he should due to his lack of adventures with the fall of Lord Voldemort. The only adventure he had recently was deciding what colour he would turn Malfoy's hair, he had in the end elected for purple and despite the teachers various attempts he could not return it to it's former blond. Harry had to stifle a giggle whenever he went into Potions but he thought that Snape had guessed that he was the one behind it as he had taken fifty points from Gryffindor when he saw that Harry had dropped his scales but then again this is Snape, he could have just been having fun.

Harry got up from the end of his bed and held on tightly to his wand, he headed down the staircase and saw that there were only six of them inside. Neville was sat on the floor with Ginny and Luna, he was quite surprised that Luna was in there but he heard Ginny explain loudly, "Well Luna you may as well as hang out with us in here since everyone else is enjoying the sun." Harry took the hint, so he took a seat with Ron who was levitating chairs across the room and Hermione was predictable within the realms of a book. He then muttered, "Changus…" he coughed and carried on slightly slurred, "perssonus." He could see a bright white light emanating from his wand in which everyone turned to watch.


	2. The Opposites

_In this chapter, see the reaction of the "Scrubs" characters to their predicament..._

_I do not own Scrubs nor Harry Potter... I'm bored and experimenting_

* * *

**Chapter 1 – The Opposites**

I always wonder what Dr Cox does with his relaxing time in the hospital well today's the day I finally get that hug. JD was narrating to himself, inside his head like he usually did. He headed into the Doctors lounge. Dr Cox was sat on the couch with Elliot and The Janitor. He found this match rather odd but he didn't care. Carla was sat with her eyes deep into a patients chart. He sat down across from Turk, who was eating an Ice-lolly. He was amazed when he saw a bright white light which was a little further away from where he was sitting. The light made his eyes hurt and he shut his eyes tightly.

When JD opened his eyes he could tell that something had happened he could see that he was in a small well lit room. A large fire was burning in the hearth and he saw a group of people he didn't recognise. One was a tall, red haired boy sat slightly to his left, a slightly smaller red-haired girl sat by the fire; the two looked as if they could be related. On the other side, looking over a pile of books was a bushy-haired girl, on the other side of the fire was a smaller blonde girl, and between the two girls was a dopey-looking, round-faced boy. Then he heard a voice he recognised

"What the deuce?" Dr. Cox said, though it was coming from the mouth of the ginger girl. "Where am I?"

He began to giggle.

"What are you laughing at, four-eyes?"

"Look at yourself" He said in his own familiar voice. Vaguely glad that the girl was much smaller than himself.

Dr. Cox looked down at his own body, and saw that he was, in fact, a young woman. JD looked down his own body and realised he was no longer himself either. He heard Elliot speaking from the blonde-girl

"Well, this is certainly a change" she smiled broadly around the room, also looking as if she were about to laugh.

Carla spoke quite loudly from the bushy-haired girl indicating Dr. Cox "How can you still have crazy eyes when you look like someone else… Oh my god this girl's voice is bossy."

The ginger boy put his arm around Carla, who promptly elbowed him

"Baby!" Came Turk's voice.

"OK so we know who we five are, who are you?" said JD indicating the round-faced boy.

"So, I'm not worthy of recognition without my mop. I should go and find one" Came The Janitor's sarcastic reply from the last boy.

"Oh, why do I have to be a girl!" Dr. Cox moaned from the girl, it seemed that he was beginning to feel like a woman.


	3. On The Wards

**Chapter 2 – On The Wards**

"My this is a strange place" said Luna's voice, from a blonde haired woman

"Harry, what have you done?" Came Hermione's voice from a Latino woman wearing pink.

"Why am I a man" Came Ginny's voice from the curly-haired man with crazy eyes.

"Why am I a caretaker?" Asked Neville from the tallest man, who was in a jumpsuit.

"Why am I black and bald?" Ron's voice from across the table.

"Why do I have a sore neck?" Harry said, looking at the mirror. "And why am I so ugly" He started walking round "And people say I have messy hair." he sat on a chair as everyone else sat down.

"Harry, what did you do?"

"I did 'Personus Changus' Or something like that"

"Harry, where is your wand?" Another man walked in the room as if a trumpet had blown and said proudly gesturing towards his male region

"I've got a wand, right here" turning to Ron "Innuendo five" Ron slowly raised his hand, a minute later he was clutching his wrist as the man walked out of the room

"OW!" he shouted, after he had gone.

"Harry, what are we going to do" Her voice didn't suit the owner's body.

"I don't know Ginny" Harry put his arm round her, as an older man walked into the room.

"Dorian, Cox, I'm paying you to work, not act like my son Harrison who brought home his new, barely legal, acting friend Lukas"

"Erm" Harry sidled away, wondering about the story this man had just put into his head. It was not a happy thought.

"Where are we, erm… Sir?" Asked Hermione, sensing that was how to address him.

"You're at work, my dear."

"What do we do, Sir?"

"You're doctors apart from you sweetheart." he pointed at Carla "You're a nurse, and you jumpsuit, you're a janitor. My god you're almost as bad as Enid, she was recently diagnosed with dementia so I've had more peace recently than I've had for years. Oh you don't know, she's forgotten that she hates me." he said, looking at Neville. The man walked out of the room and then Neville looked at everyone

"What are we gonna do?"


	4. Hogwartians in Disguise

**Chapter 3 Hogwartians In Disguise**

JD was completely bewildered by what had happened and picked up a book with a violent green cover that was lying on the floor, he admired the cover which read, "Potentially Disastrous Spells" He looked into the mirror once again and knew that he had recognised the face from somewhere, he moved his fringe and could see Harry Potter's lightning shaped scar.

"Oh my God I don't believe it, I don't believe it I don't believe it leve it leve it."

"What's got you bouncing on your feet Ginny?" Dr Cox said from ironically Ginny Weasley's body. JD knew that he had all ready seen these characters before, yep he thought looking at Turk's body that he was Ron, Carla was Hermione, Dr Cox was Ginny, Elliot was Luna and The Janitor was Neville.

"We're in Harry Potter. In fact I am Harry Potter. We're all wizards." All of the eyes around him glared at him with unquestionable certainty in the fact that he had finally lost his marbles. He grabbed the wand out of his robes and said, "It's true watch…" He pointed his wand at a chair that was on the other side of the room, "Wingardium Levisoa." The chair flew as if it was on a string; he directed it towards him and then made it do cartwheels. The Janitor on seeing this drew his own wand from his robes pointed it at JD and said, "Wingardium Levisoa." JD was lifted off his feet as he felt the Janitor spinning him around with many awes and ohs from the rest. Once The Janitor had returned JD to his feet, Dr Cox was clapping and cheering. He could see Elliot looking down at her robes and muttered, "Why are my robes blue and all yours are red?"

JD answered, "Because you're in a different house your in Ravenclaw."

"Oh wow Hermione your incontestable knowledge of Harry Potter may finally be useful but as you can plainly see I'm just going to give you yet another one of my patented pep talks." Here Dr Cox took a deep breath and began, "You seem to be thinking that I in fact care about what…"

"Silenco." JD said pointing his wand at Dr Cox who had been struck dumb and couldn't continue his rant, he mimed gestures of killing him but JD knew he wouldn't be able to this time. Here in the Harry Potter world he was king…

"_And now I Harry Potter conqueror of evil, bringer of peace now says to you the wizarding world that I declare myself your king." Lots of cheers followed this announcement, until Snape entered the daydream and said, "Twenty points from Gryffindor Potter for subjecting the wizarding world to your incompetent rule." _

"Why on earth is Snape alive he died in the last book?" He was met by dumbstruck looks.


	5. Doctor, Doctor I Can't Treat My Patients

**Chapter 4 Doctor Doctor I can't treat my patient.**

Harry was still sat bewildered in his chair, Ginny seemed to be feeling rather strange and excused herself to the bathroom, when she came back, she sat down and said, "I didn't know how hard you guys have it, all those things down there…"

"Shut it Ginny." Came Ron's voice from the black man. He then started stretching and said, "I have this unbelievable urge to do you Hermione."

Hermione sneered and said, "Thanks for sharing."

"Harry for some reason I'm feeling a great deal of hatred towards you and I don't know why?" Came Neville's trembling voice from the tall brooding figure.

A plumpy black woman entered the room, a chart in hand which she passed to Harry and said, "Dr Dorian, Mr Lancaster needs you to intubate him. Dr Turk you're needed in the OR."

"What's an OR?" Ron asked

"Very funny Dr Turk." She smiled and headed out of the room.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"What does intubate mean?" Asked Harry, looking at the Latino nurse who was really Hermione.

"Harry intubation is where you have to help someone breathe. Ron the OR is where operations take place to replace organs and things."

"Really?" Ron sounded in awe, "And do they do them stitching things?"

"Yes Ronald, I'm going to have to spend more time with the patients due to being a nurse. But I think Neville's got the best deal, all he has to do is pretend to clean the corridors."

"Yeah I've got the best deal dealing with drains and cleaning things without magic, yeah that's brilliant." Neville replied with uncharacteristic anger.

"What's crawled up your bum and died?" Ginny asked surveying Neville with dismay.

"I'm sorry Hermione I just feel so angry..."

"Yeah well now you know how it was for me having Voldemort in my head." Harry interjected for some reason he felt like being more reflective then he usually did but he just assumed that the idiot whose body he was in was that way. '_Twat' _Harry felt really happy that he now looked old enough to get away with those thoughts.

"Harry, Ron get going!" Hermione yelled and together they headed out of the lounge wondering what on earth the idiot in his body was doing "Why is this so much harder than at Hogwarts?" He asked Ron who replied with a shrug.


	6. Magic Is Fun When You Give It A Chance

**Chapter Five: Magic Is Fun When You Give It A Chance**

JD stood up and said addressing Elliot, "Come on I'll take you up to your dormitory. You can stay there and relax…"

"Why can't I stay here…"

"Because you'd get everyone in trouble so come on." Elliot sighed looked at the others and together they headed out of the common room through a painting of a large pink lady in a dress. He looked around in wonder, he had never thought that he would ever even go on the set of Harry Potter but to actually be Harry Potter and to actually be walking in Hogwarts castle was a dream come true. Elliot however seemed to be freaked out by the moving pictures, which he remarked, "Pictures move in the wizarding world… this is great."

"Great, I'm some kid. It took me long enough to be an adult… Am I going to go through puberty again?"

"You won't be going through much more puberty." JD said stretching a hand to grab her breast, she slapped him and he heard sneering from in front of him, "Well Well if it's isn't Loony and Pothead." He was amazed as a purple haired Draco Malfoy flanked by Goyle and another Slytherin that he assumed was Zabini based on his knowledge of the books, this however he hadn't read.

"Where you going Pothead? Going to the Room of Requirement to get down with Loony." The Slytherin's laughed either side of him and high fived each other which reminded him uncomfortably of Todd

"What's with your hair Malfoy?"

He walked closer to JD and pointed his wand straight into his face, "Just because your Head Boy Potter doesn't mean that you'll live for much longer…"

"Oh really cos I defeated Lord Voldemort." Malfoy shuddered at the mention of the name and said, "Watch your back Potter."

"Wash your hair Malfoy." Malfoy sneered as he backed off and swept away, Goyle and Zabini following. Elliot was frowning at him and asked, "Why'd he call me Loony?"

JD frowned slightly and answered, "because Luna Lovegood, who you are currently, is too all extents and purposes insane even for the wizarding world."

"What do you mean I'm…" A spectral figure emerged from the ceiling, he knew that this was Peeves the Poltergeist who floated off laughing and chanting to the 'Camptown Races' melody; "Loony and the Potter Lad Loony Loony. Loony and the Potter lad Loony all the way…" His voice began to filter out and JD felt sorry for Elliot and knew what he would do to Peeves if he could…

"_Potty and Loony sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love…"_

"_Penguinus Turni!" JD smiled as Peeves was turned into a polter-penguin at his feet and suddenly a beautiful blond haired woman that JD knew was Fleur Delacour was approaching and kissing him. Then unbidden Professor Snape once again entered the fantasy and said abruptly, "Twenty points from Gryffindor for making out with your best-friends brothers' wife Potter." _

"I'm sure he's dead."

"Urr JD which way?" He turned to see that Elliot was giving him a puzzled look.

"It's this way…"

"It better be."

After twenty very confusing minutes they finally found the statue of Rowena Ravenclaw. JD stood to one side and said, "You've got to answer the question correctly to get in." Elliot nodded and headed for the statue JD watched as a voice issued from nowhere, "What would you take out if your house was on fire?" Elliot waited a few seconds and JD thought that she may not get it when she suddenly said, "I'd take out the fire."

"Well thought out." A door appeared and Elliot entered. She smiled at JD as the hole vanished behind her. Now he thought to himself, _I need to sort out the rest of them and make sure they don't do anything stupid. I wonder what Harry Potter's going to do as a doctor. _


	7. Harry Potter and the Shiny Stethoscope

**Chapter Six: Harry Potter and the Shiny Stethoscope**

Harry sat down in his patient's room and looked thoroughly confused. The chart had lots of abbrieviations on it; two tubes in his patient's hand and an angry red haired nurse by him.

"Erm… erm… nurse I need a hand" Ron was stood outside still lost. The nurse called him in, and then Hermione came and asked the nurse to leave. Then she intubated the patient.

"You're a life saver Hermione." Harry said happily towards Hermione who replied callously, "I've been doing that a lot lately." She turned to Ron and asked, "Why are you not in the OR?"

"How the bloody hell am I supposed to find it…"

"Wait a minute Ron." Harry was having one of those images with words, what was it called again, an idea. "Hey Ron you know that guy who came in when Hermione asked me that question he was wearing the same colour clothes as you." Hermione opened her mouth wide and it dawned on her and she said, "I'm such an idiot your right Harry. Now how are we gonna get him to come here." He had a sneaky feeling of what it might take to get that guy back and said, "I don't think this tube's the right length."

As if on cue, the white surgeon with no covering over his arms came in and once again indicated his male region as he said, "You want to know where there is a tube the right length? Toddland." He once again raised his hand and this time Harry allowed him to high-five him, Todd drew his hand back and hit his hand with such force that it seemed as though the Hogwarts Express had just run over it. As Todd left Hermione indicated for Ron to follow him. Harry watched as Luna passed surrounded by a group of younger doctors, she had managed to turn what he had assumed at first, as a work obsessed woman, into a raving loony. He managed to catch a little of what she was saying, "Yes the crumble-horned snorcack is a kind creature daddy and I have been looking for them for a couple of years now but we've had no luck…"

"Good God." He turned to see Hermione's face whiten with shock, "Harry you're going to Azkaban…"

"Why will I be going to Azkaban?"

"Well" He could sense the return of 'annoyed' Hermione "You've taken muggles into Hogwarts. You've severely broken the international statute of secrecy.

"Hermione please. How much trouble can Hogwarts be in from fours doctors, a nurse and a Caretaker?"


	8. Forget My Stethoscope, MAGIC!

**Chapter Seven If This Is Magic Then Forget My Stethoscope **

JD had been running around the school like someone possessed, he was getting away with all sorts. He had doodled on the wall about Warty Hogs and had managed to get his new creations to run amok through the various paintings of Hogwarts eating everything in sight. He had managed to sneak down into the kitchens and had gotten the tables down there to do a perfect line dance, inconvenient for dinner yes but a huge amount of fun. He was now heading back up towards the common room as he saw his enchanted teacups escape Filches grasp, whenever he got near enough to touch it, it would pour boiling hot tea on his hand and then scuttle five feet away. JD climbed the very confusing staircase for an hour, even his knowledge of Harry Potter didn't stop him getting lost. When he did finally get to the portrait hole it was all ready open. Two boys were stood on the edge; one of them turned to him and said, "Hey Harry, portrait passwords changed to Banana hammock." JD nodded as the boy that he assumed was Dean then turned and said, "What's up with them?" Harry stepped closer as he saw that Turk and Carla were snogging, and that Dr. Cox and the Janitor were talking in hushed voices.

"That's wrong." Said the other boy that JD didn't recognise, but who held out his hand and said, "It's me Nigel." JD shook his hand as he explained, "I had a growth spurt." He headed into the room and separated Carla and Turk. Who frowned at him and then realising the situation went awkwardly silent.

"Hey Harry." JD didn't like the tone that The Janitor had used when saying the name it was low and menacing. He then thought about, what if he could beat up The Janitor…

"_What's with the group of dogs?" The Janitor asked menacingly_

"_Well there here to back me up, this is Scooby, Snoopy and Toto." _

"_Roobie Roobe Roo." Scooby Doo said, He was a little freaked out about it but that's life. He pointed his wand at the Janitor's face and yelled "Sectusempra" Large cuts appeared on his face and as he fell to the floor. Snoopy's head fell off and JD could see Professor Snape who sneered and said, "Twenty points from Gryffindor. For assaulting another student. And another twenty for besmirching me by using my own spell."_

"_Roobie Roobie Roo." _

"Scooby Dooby Doo where are you…"

"Harry!" JD turned to see that everyone was looking at him; he could see that they were all thinking 'weirdo'.

"Anyway Harry. Dinner starts in 20 minutes, you'd better get moving before your fan club arrives." Nigel said his eyes slightly worried, probably due to his view of Harry Potter having finally lost his mind.

JD headed up the stairs and was closely followed by Turk and The Janitor. He was amazed he could see Harry's trunk and as he opened it he could feel the invisibility cloak. The thing every kid wanted, he turned to Turk they both looked down at it and together they yelled "Greatest night ever." They were bouncing up and down. They stopped as they saw the door open and Dean entered, he sat down on the end of the bed and said, "So what's going on with you and Ginny?"

"What?" JD felt sick, he knew in the books that they got together in the end but at this moment him and Dr Cox. JD knew that Dr Cox would probably kill him when he found out his little snag in the Harry Potter series. Dean however continued, "Well the better man won." Dean shook his hand and continued "I'll see you downstairs."

Turk was also in shock but The Janitor had one of his typical evil smirks on his face.

"Don't tell him." JD said addressing The Janitor, who carried on smirking and said "Fine but I do have a few requests, A squirrel bazooka."

"No."

"A way to turn you into a woman"

"No."

"A device that lets me go back in time."

"No."

"How about that broomstick in your trunk?"

JD looked at the trunk, Harry's Firebolt, from his dearly deaded godfather Sirius that Harry had somehow retrieved after it fell at the beginning of book seven. _Man I love Harry Potter._ JD took it out and with a wrench in his stomach said "Okay." And handed him the broom, the Janitor seemed to be happy but then shrugged and headed down stairs. Turk's voice emanated again and JD knew the annoyed look on his face.

"I need to cut someone open."


	9. Harry Potter and The Cold Coffee

**Chapter Eight Harry Potter and The Cold Coffee**

Harry had managed to avoid Hermione by heading into a coffee shop; he opened up the man's wallet and could see that there was a fair bit of cash in there. He headed towards the counter as a man with a monkey face and a name tag reading Jason asked, "What do you want Dr D?"

"Just a cup of coffee." Jason looked confused but he made it anyway, Harry paid and when he took a sip he was gagging for breath and said, "What is that?"

"That's your coffee."

"I want my money back"

Jason looked doubtful and said, "I'm sorry but there are no refunds but you could exchange it for a couple of muffins."

Harry seriously considered his options and said, "I'll have two of them chocolate ones." Jason nodded and got them from the display. He sat down as he saw Ron come in; his clothes were covered in blood. He sat down beside Harry whose curious expression allowed Ron to whisper, "These muggles don't have a clue do they? I was in that OR place and all I had to do was stand there but then the other guy asked me to do those stichy things… so I panicked and came to find you." He stopped for a second and started again in the same hushed tone "I went to their eating place, thought I was a nutter when I asked for some cauldron cakes." He looked eagerly towards the muffins, in which Harry obligingly sent one toward him. Ron was about to take a bite when Hermione stormed in and snatched the muffin out of Ron's hand,

"Hey what did you do that for?" Hermione sat down and said hurriedly, "Your diabetic?"

"What's diabetic?" Ron asked and Hermione answered, "It means you can't have chocolate idiot."

"That sucks." Ron sounded depressed so he and Hermione ate the muffins quickly to spare him any more discomfort.

"I'm SO hungry what else can I eat if I can't have chocolate."

"Well Ronald there are things like sandwiches and salads…"

"But I want chocolate."

"Hey you guys." It was Neville although his tall brooding form was so unlike him, it kind of oddly suited him. He seemed a little startled as he sat down, "Some guys gave me these for no reason." He said passing bits of paper to Harry, "Weird right."

Harry looked at the bits of paper and could see that it was money about a hundred dollars. Hermione impatiently snatched the money out of Harry's hand and said, "See Ronald now we have enough to get you some good food."

Ron nodded dismissively; The door opened once again and in came Luna closely followed by pretty much all of the lower staff.

"Hey." Harry said addressing her, the people around her however were saying, "She's completely changed my view on life."

"She's a right smart one she is."

"What were you talking to them about?"

Luna smiled and said, "How aliens are all ready down on earth and are taking people of talent back to their planet."

All of the rest of them shared looks of "These people are idiots'.

"I'd better go. I said I'd explain how a plane really works. The translucent dragons never get any notice." Luna smiled dazedly and skipped away together with her entourage.

Hermione had shut her eyes, Harry had begun to bang his head on the table, Neville was looking around nervously and Ron was yelling, "I'm SOO Hungry! Need Food!"

As if on cue Ginny came storming in, the body of which she was in had exceptionally springy hair, she sat down and said, "I was in the corridor when this woman tells me I need to go home."

"What'd she look like?" Hermione asked curiously,

"Well she has auburny hair, a really scary voice and is bossy."

"Her name's Jordan." Everyone turned their heads towards Neville. His eyes turned down to the floor and said shuffling his feet, "I decided to look around and I opened this one room and there were files on everyone."

"Well done."

"Good job."

"I'm hungry!"

"Neville those were personnel files." Hermione looked around the table and said again, "They are private!"

"Lay off Hermione." Ginny replied heatedly, "Neville can tell us who we are. Can't you Neville."

"Okay?"


	10. Return Of The Snape

**Chapter 9 Return of the Snape**

JD headed down to the Great Hall followed closely by Turk, Carla, Dr Cox and Elliot, who they had met wandering on the stairs. The Janitor had disappeared a while ago and they couldn't be bothered trying to track him down. JD had managed to lead them into the Entrance Hall. Dr. Cox was getting many flirtatious glances from passing boys. He seemed to stare out each one in disgust and they ran into the Great Hall frightened. Dr. Cox turned his eyes to JD and said, "So how are we going to get out of here Minerva?"

JD was about to answer when The Janitor's location was finally realised by his abrupt entrance on the broomstick, he was smiling broadly as he said; "I wish I had this at the hospital." He began to do cartwheels in the air; he was in JD's opinion surprisingly good. Dr Cox looked up half interested at the broom but kept his mouth shut, he was probably enjoying himself. Turk, Elliot and Carla however looked excited and all said, "Hey Harry can you show us how to do that?" The Janitor on hearing the name narrowed his eyes on JD, he was smiling callously as he aimed the broom straight at him and lowered himself onto it like a spear. JD ran into the hall, he could see everyone's faces turned curiously towards him for a second and then saw The Janitor laughing evilly and chasing him through the main stretch between the house tables. He ran but was tripped up by none other then purple haired Draco Malfoy who was also smiling evilly but looked surprised that he was actually helping out Neville Longbottom. JD lowered his eyes and knew that this would be the end but it wasn't, he raised his eyes as everyone was laughing at The Janitor who was holding tightly to his broom even though it was trying to throw him off. Harry turned to see Professor McGonagall waving her wand at the broom. The Janitor fell off and she yelled, "That was disgraceful behaviour twenty points from Gryffindor."

"Headmistress I believe that's a little harsh I suggest that he writes lines." JD knew that voice despite the fact that he was sure that its owner was dead but as he looked up he could see Professor Severus Snape heading down from the staff table and said, "I'm sure Longbottom just lost control of his broomstick…"

"How can you be blind and deaf, he was laughing madly at him…"

"And since when has Longbottom been able to fly a broom?" JD could tell that she was about to object but her voice became silent in her throat and he knew that they were right the real Neville wouldn't be able to fly a broom.

"Well… Well I suggest that we get the truth out of this boy because Neville Longbottom couldn't handle a broom like that…" JD knew where this was going if they gave the Janitor veritasirium they would find out that they were all muggles and they would have there memory's wiped and the real Harry Potter would end up in Azkaban, so he said quickly to McGonagall, "I've been teaching him how to fly, he was just practicing on his own there's no harm done."

"Very well Potter very well. By the way Potter first match of the season is tomorrow against Slytherin. You, Ginny and Ron had better be ready." She handed him the broom and JD lead them to the Gryffindor table, he was sat across from Dr Cox and next to Turk. Who was astounded as in a matter of seconds the entire table was filled with food. Tripe, chicken, beef… They all began to pile there plates up and as they got to desert, Turk smiled as he grabbed a slice of chocolate cake and said proudly to Carla, "I'm not diabetic anymore so I can have some sugar."

Seamus spoke up from further down the table, "I pity anyone who can't have chocolate."

Dr Cox looked across the table, "You'd better figure out how to fix this quick Newbie or otherwise I'll turn you into a tea cosy. I want my body back!" Harry was surprised of that whine from Dr Cox, "I hope that little girl isn't ruining it at Sacred Heart. I bet she'll be having me make daisy chains."


	11. Harry Potter and The Daisy Chain of Doom

**Chapter 10 Harry Potter and the Daisy Chain of Doom**

Harry had figured out that the idiot who he was impersonating was called John Michael Dorian. Weird name he thought to himself but people seemed to be calling him JD which he found weird but all right. He knew that at least he would be able to cope with the strains of being a muggle, he may always have to rely on Hermione to get him out of the medical situations but at least his job wasn't as crucial as Ron's. Ron had to not only act like a muggle but to affectively be a black surgeon who was diabetic, He knew that Ron was taking the diabetes hard due to his constant growling stomach that no matter what he did to try and appease it seemed to say the word chocolate over and over again. Harry was walking along the corridor and passed Neville who smiled slightly and then walked with him saying, "Apparently I don't do any cleaning even though I'm a caretaker, weird huh Harry" Harry was overcome with laughter at the sight he had just seen a little further down the corridor. The man inside whom Ginny was currently residing had dreadlocks coming down over his back but that wasn't the worst of it. Luna it seemed had taken it upon herself to make the man as pretty as possible, he had bright red lipstick on and had daisy chains not only on his wrists but also within his hair, he looked as though he had just been in a daisy cave and Luna was stood, smiling vaguely. Everyone who passed Ginny had to stifle giggles except however the older man that Neville had told them was Dr. Kelso the Chief of Medicine. He looked at Ginny… He burst straight out into laughter at which both Ginny and Luna did nothing. He then looked back at Ginny and said, "You know Cox I never thought I'd see the day but it seems I've won and now hows about you kiss my ring." Ginny looked confusingly at Luna, then spotted Harry and Neville who got closer as she turned to a look of almost pleading. Neville then in a stroke of genius got out of his pocket a large bar of chocolate and handed it to Kelso. Who smiled down at it and began to eat as though he was Ron. Harry felt almost mesmerised by his munching; it was only when Neville pulled on his arm that he headed away. Luna smiled then indicated Ginny and said, "Isn't it lovely?" Harry tried to keep a straight face and turned to Neville for support who nodded and said

"Yeah it's great."  
"Yeah it's… pretty. Brings out your eyes." Harry could see that Neville was trying to stop himself laughing, Ginny however looked disgusted at herself and said, "Is it bad?" Neville distracted Luna by saying a crumpleyduck was behind her during which time Harry nodded and added in a whisper "You look absolutely ridiculous." When Luna turned around Ginny said, "Bathroom." And ran off.

Luna however looked concerned and said to Harry and Neville "I think she has a vainey demon." Harry and Neville both looked at her blankly she happily explained, "They make people go to the toilet a lot and they also make a smell that can be used as an ingredient in the doomsday brew." Harry and Neville smiled and nodded appreciatively while sliding away slowly and once out of Luna's sight both breathed and laughed. It was then that a group of people all in maintenance uniform approached Neville and said, "Come on let's go." Neville smiled apologetically at Harry and headed away with them. Harry could see Hermione coming out of a patient's room, she had gloves on her hands which she took off and threw into one of the bins. She smiled as she said to Harry, "I just had to stitch up a guy whose surgical staples popped out, you could see the inside of his head and everything it was gross. I'm so proud that wizarding healing is more advanced then this…" Harry nodded not understanding a word she said, he had learned a long time ago to block out Hermione when she was too technical and she obviously understood that as she said, "Back to Earth Harry." They both smiled as Hermione said, "I've got to head off apparently I promised Laverne, you know that black nurse that I'd help her get off early by covering some of her shifts. Gotta go." Harry watched Hermione and thought to himself that this Laverne person was having her on.

Harry then heard a loud rumbling from down the corridor and knew who was approaching and sure enough there was Ron he was holding his stomach that once again grumbled loudly as he moaned, "I wish I was back at Hogwarts."


	12. Qudditch for Medics

**Chapter 11 Quidditch for Medics**

JD woke up early the next day and thought suddenly _Oh god there's a Quidditch match. _He roughly shook Turk who after coming round for a minute said "What are you waking me up for?"

"There's a Quidditch match. I need to explain the rules to you and Dr. Cox." He shrugged. JD rummaged through Harry's trunk and found them, Harry's red and gold Quidditch robes he had always imagined playing in a Quidditch match…

_And Dorian's diving deeply, he's taking Malfoy for a turn but has he seen the Snitch. Dorian pulls up but Malfoy has smashed his face into the floor of the pitch and Dorian making excellent use of the Wronski Feint. _

_Whoa Cox has scored that's 9,000 to Gryffindor and the crowd are going nuts but wait Dorian's off again he's getting closer. Closer… and he's done it, he's done it Dorian's got the Snitch what a great day for Dorian nothing can break this happiness but wait what's that..._

_Arriving without an introduction was Snape on the back of a Hungarian Horntail that snorted fire at his broom; as Snape said, "Twenty points for embarrassing my house Potter."_

"Why's he calling me Potter when the announcer's calling me Dorian?"

"Err JD what's Quidditch?" Turk was looking a little startled at JD who both headed down the stairs careful to make sure that The Janitor didn't wake up. They could see Dr. Cox sat by the fire. He said without looking behind him, "Well Monica what are you doing up early?"

JD was surprised but very happy he was there and said, "Dr. Cox you need to get on your robes like these in your room, now."

"Why would I do that?"

"Just do it."

"Well Jessabella look who's finally decided to get a back bone…"

"Please…" He said beggingly and Dr. Cox let out a sigh and said, "Fine Newbie but you'd better figure out how to get out of here soon, I've just started pmsing and it's very unpleasant down there…" He nodded and as Dr. Cox headed away Turk, who was all ready wearing his Quidditch robes. asked "What is Quidditch?" JD however was searching for the book that he had found yesterday and there it was "Potentially Disastrous Spells" maybe there was something in it that would explain what happened and how to reverse it. He was peering through the pages until he found one that looked promising…

"Good read Lilia." JD stood up to see Dr Cox in the Gryffindor Quidditch robes; he was trying very hard not to laugh. Dr Cox could tell this and said, "Why the hell am I wearing this?"

"Come with me and I'll explain on the way." Dr Cox grumbled and Turk just sighed as they headed out after JD. Who began to explain rapidly, "Quidditch is a game which is played in the air on broomsticks, there are four balls the Quaffle, like a basketball but a bit smaller, two bludgers that zoom around and try to knock you off your broom and the Golden Snitch. It's sort of like a golf ball only golden and smaller. There are seven players on a team, three chasers Dr. Cox, your one of them, you have to try and score goals with the Quaffle through the opposing players hoop ten points each time you get it through. Turk you're a keeper that means you have to stop the opposing chasers from scoring through our hoops. The beaters hit the bludgers round at chasers to try and knock them off. I'm the seeker who needs to get the Golden Snitch which will give the person who catches it 150 points…"

"Who the hell comes up with this stuff?"

"Don't ask me I didn't write the books you two got it." Both nodded as JD realised that his speech had carried them out of the castle and right outside the Quidditch Stadium.

"Where are the brooms?" Turk asked from JD's left and he had forgotten it so he said "Just repeat after me." He paused and said, "Accio broom" JD looked up as his broom came soaring out of the window and straight into his left hand. Turk managed on the first attempt to get his broom but Dr Cox's had decided it didn't want to come and only after a few encouraging words from JD, and some beatings from Dr. Cox the broom soared out of the window and Dr Cox whistled and said, "Now I know what I need to do to use magic, beat on you. Right Newbie?"

JD who had a concussion, a bloody nose and some new duck friends floating around his head answered, "Glad I could help." Four other people in Quidditch robes arrived and together they all headed into the changing rooms and now JD could give one of those motivational talks that he had always wanted to give and began, "Well team this is it. Give it your all and we'll win." That was all he could come up with and he could hear Dr Cox's sigh of impatience and when it became apparent that he wasn't going to give them anymore to go off. Dr Cox must have felt the need to take it on himself to motivate everyone as he stood up and said in his low commanding tone, "Listen up wierdo's. Look they maybe faster and better then we are but we got the one thing they don't have the boy who lived. As long as we have him we aren't gonna lose a game so man up, or woman up." Noticing Demelza "And lets give 'em hell." They all cheered as JD led them onto the pitch and he heard a voice say…

"It's Robins, Frau, Weasley, Peakes, Coote, Weasley and Potter, a decent side that stand a good chance of winning the cup." Harry turned and saw Nigel sat in the commentary box, JD waved and flew up into the air, it seemed as though Turk and Dr. Cox had managed to handle their brooms, they were still in the air and hadn't fallen off yet. Dr. Cox headed off with Demelza and a blond haired boy who waved happily at Harry and stood still over Madam Hooch as JD heard, "And here are the Slytherin's Funnel, Damon, Hew, Goyle, Zabini and Malfoy." JD could see Malfoy's purple hair as Madam Hooch called him and Malfoy to the ground and said, "I want a nice clean game you two." Both nodded at her and as they shuck hands both he and Malfoy aimed to squeeze off the others fingers, once he and Malfoy were back in the air. Madam Hooch released the balls.

"And there off, it's Robins she's zooming up the pitch uhh! Nice bludger there from Goyle, It's Damon with the quaffle, hey what's going on over there?" JD got out of his hunt for the Snitch to see Dr. Cox grabbing the beaters bat, flying towards Damon and hitting him over the head. Damon took the blow with such force that his broom had snapped in half and he landed on the ground after a twenty foot drop.

"How dare you!" JD could see Madam Hooch's eyes narrowing as she yelled, "I've never seen anything like that." She blew her whistle twice. However by the look of it Damon wouldn't be playing any further part in the match, he could see Professor McGonagall approaching Madam Hooch and then indicating to Nigel.

"It seems that Damon will be unable to complete the match therefore Gryffindor win 150- 0 by default." Loud boos could be heard from the Slytherin end as Nigel said, "It's not my fault that's what it says in the rulebook."

JD went down to the ground; they could see all of the team, as well as the rest of the school looking at Dr. Cox in fear, except for the Janitor who had a slight smile on his face. Dr Cox walked off into the changing room and the rest of the team followed. They changed in silence and when the other four left he had to say what was on his mind, "What were you thinking?"

Dr. Cox smiled and said, "I saw a way of winning so I took it come on."

"It's on me whether we win or not."

"You think you'd actually win it for us. I mean my God Giselle, you suck at every sport in our world so by extension you suck in every sport in this… world."

"It was still my call though." Dr Cox snorted and left in a huff. Turk wrapped an arm around JD's shoulder, "I know you'd have won the match but think. You actually got to play in one." With that thought fixed in his mind JD left his arm around Turk's shoulder and Turk's arm around his.


	13. Harry Potter and The Misdiagnosis

**Chapter 12: Harry Potter and The Misdiagnosis**

Harry was stood in a patients room from what he had understood of Hermione's random jargon he would be able to read the chart and find out what on earth was wrong with the patient as he said in a confident manner, "Based on your blood test, stool sample and symptoms I suspect that you have testicular cancer." He looked up over his chart and saw that he was looking down at a woman as he said, "Whoops must have misplaced your chart I'll just go get it." He sidled out of the room and ran to find Hermione; she was stood just at the end of the corridor with Luna and Ginny.

"Hey Hermione what…"

"I'm after her opinion on something Harry could you wait a minute?" Harry looked at Luna and nodded who turned back to Hermione and asked, "What colour eyeshade do you think she should have, I'm partial to the lavender but I'd like your opinion."

Hermione looked at Ginny, whose body as well as the dreadlocks, daisy-chains and lipstick, now also had golden bracelets and large silver hoops in the ears which reminded Harry vaguely of one of the members of the Weird Sisters but he didn't know which one.

"I'm fine with lavender Luna."

"Great." Luna added merrily and led Ginny away who still had a look of pure terror on her face.

Hermione turned to Harry and said angrily, "I'm sick of this I need to get some reading done and these things…" She said indicating her breasts, "I can hardly do anything with them, there really annoying me. I wish I was back at Hogwarts.

*****

JD sat down by the fire in the dormitory, almost everyone else was out enjoying the sun. Elliot, Dr. Cox and The Janitor were sat by the fire playing exploding snap. Carla was trying to make heads or tails with the books that had been there when they had arrived and Turk was sat across from him, holding Ron Weasley's wand and pretending it was a lightsabre. JD found the book "Potentially Disastrous Spells" and opened the page when he saw a spell that looked good and that he should try for fun.

"Changus Personas" A bright light white began to be emitted from his wand he knew what it was they were going back.


	14. Harry Potter and The Trip to Tinsel Town

_Hi Everyone thanks for reading so far but just a little note that I have never been to L.A so am guessing at the geography_

_Again Scrubs and Harry Potter are not of my invention and are the properties of their creators._

**Chapter 14: Harry Potter and The Trip to Tinsel Town**

Harry Potter had finally managed to get away from his patients and entered the doctor's lounge. Ron was sat about to eat a tuna and ham sandwich, while Neville, Ginny and Luna were chatting on the sofa. Hermione was sat reading medical notes and Harry sat down in the chair next to Ron when he saw a bright white light emanating from nearby, as he made to touch it, the light grew brighter and he clenched his eyes shut.

When he opened them he found that he was in a chair in the Gryffindor Common Room, he headed towards the window and looked at his own reflection. His eyes moved not only over his robes and wand but also flicked his hair back to feel his lightning shaped scar. He was back. He turned to see the rest in equal delight except Luna, who Harry could tell missed having people who believed her so easily. He turned to Hermione and it was as if they had read each others minds when they said, "Right then everyone Road Trip." Harry wandered out of the Common Room and down the stairs with his five friends. For some reason everyone, not just Slytherins but there fellow Gryffindors were staring at Ginny with disgust. Harry felt merry as he walked across the grounds. In the distance was Hagrid's Hut which billowed out smoke through the thatched roof. Harry looked as they wandered past the lake at the tree on the other side where he had seen in Snape's memory his father, Sirius and Lupin enjoying themselves after their OWL's. Harry turned his eyes away from memories of those he had lost during the battle of Hogwarts, Colin, Lupin, Tonks, Michael Corner. He had seen Cho right after they had found Michael's body, she was crying and Harry knew that she would be depressed all over again, the same as when Cedric died.

"Harry." Hermione's voice brought him out of his own head; _Maybe that trip into that guy's head will make me think more about what I have and how lucky I am. _Harry no longer needed to help any of them find the Thestrals, they had all seen death, he had seen too much. He smiled as the Thestral took him back where he belonged, in the air. He had missed flying on his broom so far this year and couldn't wait to get on it again. He knew that this was going to be a long journey so he allowed himself to open up to the thoughts that had plagued his head for quite a while, _Muggles do know things that wizards don't but in our world we have better ways of doing what they are doing. It must be hard though to save lives for a living, knowing that one mistake could mean the difference between life and death but then didn't he do that last year? He had saved countless lives but at the same time had allowed many others to die for him, their faces flashed through his eyes and he remembered each one not in death but for how they had been during life._

"Harry we're here." Harry turned to see Hermione indicating a building a little while away while Ron was looking behind him and asked, "Hey you guys what's that?" Harry turned to see what he was looking at and Harry was amazed to actually see it even though it was small, "That's the Hollywood sign."

"What's a Holly-wood a kind of wand? I thought we had loads of them back home…"

"No Ronald." Hermione interrupted sounding very irritated "Hollywood is the entertainment capital of the muggle world."

"Hey Harry." It was Ginny who was speaking now, "I think we were a few hours ahead of them people at the hospital, can we do some sight seeing?"

Harry looked to Hermione who sighed and then said, "Oh. All right we may as well, try to make this seem more then just a simple clean-up operation." They rode the thestrals towards the Hollywood sign and landed right by the second O, "Wait here we'll be back soon." Hermione said to the Thestrals.

"Everyone remember where we parked." Harry said addressing them all, Hermione giggled but the rest just stared at him dumbfounded and he decided it would be better to not explain it to them. They wandered down the grassy hill and entered into the mayhem of Los Angeles. The main street they were walking down was absolutely packed with cars and they could hardly keep hold of each other. Ron as the tallest led them through the crowd; it was then that Hermione indicated downward, they were standing on a street with stars, names, and handprints engraved on the pavement, "We're on Hollywood boulevard." Hermione said Harry alone looked impressed; Ron was staring down at the path and said in an unconvinced tone, "Who's this John Wayne guy?"

"He's one of the greatest actors that ever lived!"

"Never heard of him."

Hermione hit herself hard in the head, as the people stared at Harry with looks of contempt, Hermione explained, "They probably think we're geeks." Luna however was still smiling as if she wasn't in one of the muggle hot spots of the world, Harry thought that she was thinking of some other weird creature that was wandering around. He decided that they should head to the hospital now, he wanted more then anything to actually finally get to see that idiot who was in his body and find out what happened, well it won't take long to get there. They've got all the time in the world.


	15. Welcome Back to Sacred Heart

**Chapter 15: Welcome Back To Sacred Heart!**

JD felt like time had suddenly stopped and he could see why, for some reason he was out of his body and in a weird white place. He began to float around as a pure spirit, maybe this is what happened to Voldemort when he tried to kill Harry, maybe not. He thought as he looked around it was then that he saw another shape nearing him and it was only when he heard a voice echoing over that he realised who it was, "What the hell did you do Gillian?" JD could see the spirity form of Dr Cox approach him, he was in his own body again and he was looking at JD with unmistakeable anger. JD tried to explain but he saw four other figures and three of which had yelled, "What did you do?" Turk, Carla and Elliot all had looks of fury on their faces as they surrounded JD and The Janitor had a very evil sneer on his face as he said, "What do you want to do with him, roast or stew?"

"Roast."  
"Roast."

"Roast."

"Not be eaten." JD had tried to slip in but the others looks of anger quickly became apparent and as they got nearer to him. The bright white light appeared again and suddenly he couldn't see anything.

When he next opened his eyes he saw that he was sat in a chair in the doctor's lounge, he looked towards the window, looked through it and realised, that he was back, he was himself again. He felt rather disappointed really; he had wanted to stay there longer but when he turned his face towards Dr. Cox he began to let out a belt of laughter that would have been able to wake the dead in the morgue. Dr. Cox had somehow become very insane looking, not mad insane but funny insane. He had bright red lipstick on, lavender eye shadow; his hair was in dreadlocks, golden bracelets on his wrists, as well as daisy chains on his wrists, head and his feet. He watched as slowly Dr. Cox turned towards the window, by which time Elliot, Carla, Turk and even the Janitor were also in fits of laughter. His face turned bright red and slowly his eyes turned to JD, he walked slowly towards him and said in an almost bull like grunt, "Newbie this is your fault." With every step Dr. Cox took he went back a step, Dr Cox continued on and said, "You {step} and {step} your {step} obsession {step} with {step} that {step} book {step} have {step} done {step} this {step}." By this point JD was stood against the wall and Dr Cox was two words distance away from him, there was nowhere to run, no-one to stop Dr Cox from killing him when he was being blamed for something he hadn't even done.

"Stupefy". Dr Cox was thrown off his feet and slammed into the window as JD watched with surprised horror as Harry Potter and the five that they had been impersonating had entered the room. JD smiled at Harry who instead gave him a look of disgust, Ginny brought Dr. Cox back around and the six from the hospital went towards the window.

"So erm we're sorry about the inconvenience." Hermione said in a peaceful sort of voice towards the muggles, "We didn't mean for that to happen but if someone." She stopped and glared at Harry for a second and then continued, "Stopped experimenting with spells in books that wouldn't have happened so… sorry." JD was about to say that it wasn't a problem when Elliot fired, "We had important things to do today, I was supposed to meet my boyfriend for a romantic meal and instead I have it in a hall of smelly kids."

"I was just about to have my monthly ice-lolly and then you come and…" Turk stated but was interrupted by Ron who said,

"You think you've had troubles, I wasn't allowed chocolate while I was you." He snarled at Turk who replied back, "Your school has a serious spider problem and that Quidditch game thing? Who the hell came up with that?"

"You played the Quidditch match?" Harry asked looking shocked at them, JD answered, "Well yeah you didn't want us to forfeit did you?"

"What happened?" JD turned to Dr Cox who on offering no answer, looked disdainfully at Ginny and said, "Why'd I have to be you, there were guys but no I had to be a little girl…"

"Shut up!" Ginny had her wand right under Dr. Cox's throat as Harry said, "Don't Ginny." Dr Cox however smiled evilly at Ginny and said, "You want to know what happened at that match? I hit one of them green clad players over the head with a bat. Have fun with that." It took a matter of seconds but Ginny's Weasleys proficiency with the Bat Bogey Hex had preceded her, JD watched in fits of hysterical laughter as Dr Cox's face had big wings coming out of it, he was obviously in pain until Hermione performed the counter-charm.

With several loud cracks several people in large cloaks suddenly appeared and grabbed the six wizards by their ears. As JD tried to follow the Janitor for the door he heard them yell the word "Obliviate".

JD was amazed to find himself on the floor of the Doctor's lounge, and by the look of it he wasn't the only one. He could see Dr. Cox, Turk, Carla, Elliot and The Janitor all on the floor. As each one rose to their feet they all stared curiously at each other, JD watched in the window as each left for their shifts and to cover their patients. He however stood for a little while longer looking at his reflection in the window, he brushed aside the hair on his forehead, he didn't know why but he felt like something was missing. "Ridiculous" he thought to himself as he turned away from the window and said to himself "I wonder what it would be like if I was in Harry Potter?"

*

_Thank you all very much for reading through this story please leave reviews and let me know what you thought of it. Thanks Dr Toilette_


End file.
